Divorce

God hates divorce.

“I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat. Malachi 2:16 MSG

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures about creation?” Jesus replied. “The Creator made us male and female from the very beginning, and ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and live with his wife. And the two will become one flesh.’ From then on, they are no longer two, but united as one. So what God unites let no one divide!”

They responded, “So then why did Moses command us to give a certificate of divorce and it would be lawful?” Jesus said, “Moses permitted you to divorce because your hearts are so hard and stubborn, but originally there was no such thing.

Matthew 19:4-8 TPT

The Lord hates divorce. I can understand why.

For, divorce not only breaks the covenant of marriage made before the Lord, it devastates families. Though there are many facets to the culmination of divorce, a pattern remains within it’s fury. Hearts are broken. Lives uprooted, Plans altered. Families destroyed. And the children? Especially traumatized by the turbulence of divorce are the children within the home.

My parents divorced when I was nine years old. I, too, was divorced at the age of twenty-five. Was a cycle of divorce, a possible pattern set, in our family lineage? It would seem so. Though, I can write from the vantage point of a divorcee (another time), I choose to write from the experiences of a child from a divorced home.

Truly, divorce brings mayhem into a child’s life, like a violent wind, divorce rips through the security of the home. The whirlwind of divorce builds with great fury until the division is complete. It levels anything within the course of it’s path, uprooting all a child has ever known of the family tree.

In my experience, even well into my adult years, until my father’s passing, I had hoped for my parents to reunite; however, my desire to be a “normal” family again was never fulfilled. At first, I was convinced the divorce was my fault. (It is documented that many children of divorce feel this way.) I internalized the blame. Though, my needs were met, and I was taken very good care of physically, divorce opened the door to many dynamics. Emotions raged. Such devastation birthed deep sorrow. Sorrow birthed feelings of abandonment. Abandonment ushered in fear, and fear brought along with it insecurity, low self worth, rejection, promiscuity, and shame. These broken pieces laid hidden behind a barrier that projected a false image of self-esteem, when actually, I loathed my creation. The image was a front, a fortress surrounding my heart, that waved a banner conveying all was well. It was not well, not at all. A shattered self image, plus the destruction of my family, produced a rather large chip on my shoulder. This chip was held in place through my denial of the devastation that divorce had upon me. Unknowingly, the impact of the separation upon my life was traumatic, but denial said otherwise.

I recall, a high school counselor praising me for my good grades and stability, “though I was from a divorced home.” I was livid! OUTRAGED! WHY does he need to mention that in the letter of recommendation? You see, I had no idea that the shattered pieces of divorce were openly on display as a pattern for the world to see. For, insecurity birthed pride. Pride said, “You can make it on your own…the divorce of your parent’s doesn’t matter.” I agreed, and the chip on my shoulder grew. I shutter to think of my past behavior. (Please note: I do take responsibility for my actions; yet, the lingering trauma of my parent’s divorce inadvertently helped to direct my path.)

I had no idea of the hardness of my heart, until I met Jesus.

In meeting Jesus, He began to heal my wounds…binding my broken heart. As I spent time with Him, I began to see myself as He sees me, and to understand that I have a Heavenly Father who will never leave me nor forsake me. The journey to healing continues. As I rest in the presence of God; He continues to renew me, reviving my heart of stone.

His truth sets me free!

Now, five decades later, I have come to understand that the divorce of my parents has

unequivocally had the greatest impact on my life. There is no denying it - any longer!

(By no means - if you are in danger within your marriage - GET OUT! Seek help.

Every circumstance is different, yet, if divorce is for your own gain, please reconsider for the sake of the children.)

Prayer

Father,

I repent for the breaking of the covenant of marriage. I see the cycle of divorce in my family history. In the Name of Jesus, I break the cycle of divorce off of my blood line.

Pull back the veil of denial, Father. Expose the shattered pieces within me. Sweep away the debris, O God, for these pieces cut deeply. Restore unto me, love, acceptance, peace, self-confidence, an appreciation of self, and a reliance upon God. Revive me, Lord. Make me whole, again. Set my soul free. Free to soar in Your plan, and in Your purpose for my life, that I may bring glory to Your Name.

Please remove the filters from my life that say, I am nothing. I break agreement with every lie divorce has whispered in my ear - canceling any assignment against me. I especially break all agreement with self-loathing, and I wholly accept myself as You have created me to be.

Let Your healing flow into my body, uprooting any sickness, disease, or physical ailment that became rooted in my life through the curse of divorce.

In Christ, I am free. Free to be, all God the Father has made me to be. Please, bless me with the eyes to see myself as You see me, Father.

I forgive my parents. They are accountable to You, not me. I am not their judge.

I release them to you this day.

I lay the fruit of divorce in my life at Your feet: sorrow, abandonment, fear, insecurity, low self worth, self-loathing, rejection, promiscuity, shame, anger, guilt, pride, and image keeping…

Dear God, bind the wounds of my broken family.

Once shattered, now in Christ, I am whole. I am blessed. I am free.

Father, I speak restoration to my identity.

I am a child of God!

In Christ Jesus, I pray.

Amen

Covenant

Yeshua answered, “Haven’t you read that the Creator made them male and female in the beginning and that he said, ‘That’s why a man will leave his father and mother and will remain united with his wife, and the two will be one’? So they are no longer two but one. Therefore, don’t let anyone separate what God has joined together.”

Matthew 19:4-6 NOG

Heart of stone

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26 ESV

Child of God

He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him. But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. John 1:11-13 NKJV

For freedom

It was for this freedom that Christ set us free [completely liberating us]; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery [which you once removed]. Galatians 5:1 AMP

His truth

And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32 NKJV

Never abandon

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b NIV

Family of God

But when [in God’s plan] the proper time had fully come, God sent His Son, born of a woman, born under the [regulations of the] Law, so that He might redeem and liberate those who were under the Law, that we [who believe] might be adopted as sons [as God’s children with all rights as fully grown members of a family]. And because you [really] are [His] sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying out, “Abba! Father!” Galatians 4:4-6 AMP

Make you whole

May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it! 1 Thessalonians 5:23 MSG